About being a piece of shit in Catholic school


When I was younger like from the ages of seven to thirteen I went to this Sunday school type thing on Wednesdays for Catholic kids.
I didn’t mind going at all and actually really liked it. I got to see all my third grade homies and shit and that was p swell. I got to eat free cookies hell yeah. And generally everyone was really nice and weirdly loving. I mean sure the lessons were pretty boring but the teachers knew the fucking scoop on how to deal with younger children. So it was like going to regular school I guess.
Most of the kids that went to this school also went to a catholic elementary school, so we didn’t see each other at regular school. My dad being ever the scientist even before the Christian, opted to send me and my brother to public school which had better ratings for success than any religious school in my area. Which I didn’t really give a shit about at the time because I’d heard in Catholic school you had to have mass every day and I wasn’t really for that.
Anyway while most of my teachers liked me, they also at the same time thought I was a little shit.
Being a little shit isn’t the same as being a piece of shit though. Like if you’re a little shit and you’re young, it’s something you might grow out of. If you’re a piece of shit there’s not hope for you don’t pass go don’t collect two hundred dollars.
I actually was a little shit though. I was loud and really like a kid so I would giggle and kinda be the class clown. I’d say the reason I really embodied the annoying essence of childhood is because I was really fucking curious about everything. But not in like a wise brat way I legitimately had a huge wonder for the world.
Anyway I was one of those kids that always asked a lot of questions. I was especially confused with Job’s story. I didn’t question it because I really did think there was a man in the sky who thought about what was best for us, but the story also made him seem like God was being kinda a douche to people to prove a point.
If you don’t know what the story of Job is, basically God punishes this man Job even though he’s done nothing wrong to prove a point that Job will still believe in him. The point of the story is to say why bad things sometimes happen to good people.
Now one thing that my dad had taught me about the bible which had done him remarkably well at preserving his fate as a scientist was that the bible was just a book of stories and legends to help us be better people and were not necessarily true, especially the story of Adam and Eve.
One time I asked my teacher about Judas. Did Judas go to heaven or hell because he betrayed Jesus? And then he committed suicide which was a no no I guessed.
She was a little taken aback I think, I don’t really know I was eleven or something, but she answered she didn’t really know because she didn’t know everything. She looked really affectionate when she said to me that Judas probably did go to heaven because he repented heavily. Of course I had more questions about that, but that’s when she said she really had no idea and she couldn’t answer any of my questions and wanted to move on.
I was always afraid of God, but I thought Jesus was the coolest dude. I kinda wanted to be Jesus and like get Jesus hair and eventually have a really sweet beard. Jesus is the one I would ring up when I was praying. But sometime’s God would answer so I’d ask hey Mr. God it’s Timmy from down the street is Jesus home? And God would be like no, he’s out right now but you can talk to me! And I’d say oh, well uhm no thanks Mr. God, well actually ok. That’s fine.
Anyway I guess I was some kind of Tom Sawyer because one time in class I was actually pretty bored so I started talking to Jesus and asking him if it would be ok if I had some fun. Jesus, being my homeboy at the time said it was cool. So I whispered over to my friend that we should play hangman, which is a game I had just recently grasped as being the coolest thing ever because you could play that shit anywhere. She asked if we were supposed to be paying attention, she was probably just not paying attention either, and I said yeah Jesus said it was ok. She was totally down with it then.
We were given these work pages at the beginning of every class so I scooted closer to her and drew the frame in a margin. We were playing for a good four minutes or so before the teacher stopped the class and said, ‘Timmy and Trisha, what are you doing?’
To which I responded, ‘No it’s okay, Jesus said it was cool’.


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